In trying times, most of us
know what we need to do to make ourselves feel better. But why is so
difficult to actually do those things? Why do we (I?) instead make
deliberate choices to either 1) not do those things, or 2) do things
that make us feel worse?
I've lived like this for so
long that I really don't know any different. Truthfully, I believe that
part of it was learned in high school when I would try to do things that I
enjoyed only to be told that I was lazy or wasting my time. So instead of
doing the things that I rationally know will make me feel good, I create
excuses to avoid them. Or I replace them with activities that will make
me feel worse. For example:
1. Yoga: Why oh why do I avoid yoga?
It's offered to me practically free once a week at the gym at work. I
have a yoga mat, I know the basic moves. I have a few DVDs-- I even have
iPod apps dedicated to the topic. I feel
so much better after I do it. And yet, the excuses are many (and
flimsy). I don’t have time, I’m tired, I
don’t want to have to take a shower afterwards, I would rather read my book
during my lunch than work out, and on and on.
2.
Taking a Shower/Bath: So
often when I am depressed or apathetic, I go for days without bathing. It’s a catch-22, because that usually makes
me more depressed and less likely to finally just bite the bullet and do
it. But is there anything better than
getting out of the shower and feeling clean
and fresh? But it just takes so much effort (OK, I know
it really doesn’t, but this is what I tell myself when I am coming up with
excuses to avoid it). I’m tired, I would
rather crash on the couch, I don’t feel like standing up so long (yes, I
actually think that!), I don’t want to wait for my hair to dry, I’m not going
anywhere anytime soon, so what’s the point?
3.
Reaching out to Friends:
Isolating yourself in low times is by far one of the worst things you can
do. Yet, it’s my first line of
defense. I would much rather be miserable
by myself; I don’t want to bitch and moan to my friends about my (sometimes
relatively insignificant) problems. I
want to stay at home, ignore phone calls (and sometimes texts and emails),
knowing full well that I am nearly always energized when I talk to or see
friends. It’s another “rock and a hard
place” situation because the more I avoid my friends, the more guilt and fear
that I have that they will eventually give up on our friendship because I am so
unavailable.
4.
Clean the House: OK,
maybe not clean, but at least straighten up. I’m really trying to be better about this in
my new place and it’s been easier because it’s much smaller than the house my
husband and I were sharing. Granted, the
actual cleaning isn’t all that uplifting.
But there really is something to be said for sitting down in a nicely
cleaned room. It just makes you feel at
peace, no matter what you’re doing. My
goal for the new place is to just not let it get out of hand like I did at
home. So maybe this will be one of those
things that I won’t have to avoid because it won’t become a problem. (Cross your fingers.)
Do you consciously avoid
doing things that you know will make you feel better? Do you know why you do it?
Do you replace those
activities with others that actually make you feel more disgusted with yourself? I’ll address those maladaptive behaviors
tomorrow!
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